The internet is often compared to the “Wild West”. Like the American Wild West, the online world bears valuable resources and a wealth of opportunities – along with lawlessness and chaos.
One subsection of the internet is a growing concern for parents of young boys… the manosphere.
At the surface level, boys might be exposed to memes inspired by aspects of the manosphere like sigma males, mewing, and looksmaxxing, but they are always just a few clicks away from a much darker side. Online influencers within the depths of the manosphere have been accused of “radicalizing boys into extreme misogyny” which has led to an increase in violence against women and girls.
What is the manosphere?
The manosphere is made up of websites, subreddits, social media profiles, and more that share the goal of promoting masculinity while spreading misogyny. Many of the ideologies promoted by manosphere communities overlap with those of the alt-right including the belief that feminism has destroyed Western society.
The manosphere is made up of 4 main communities:
Incels
A male who self-identifies as “involuntary celibate” is unable to find a partner despite feeling entitled to a sexual relationship. An incel’s underlying belief is that women (incels are predominantly heterosexual) hold too much power in the sexual/romantic sphere and that’s why they are doomed to a life of loneliness. Inceldom is rooted in self-pity, resentment, misogyny, sexual objectification, racism, and sometimes violence.
This incel ideology has led some males down a dangerous path. The Anti-Defamation League cite incels as the “most violent sector of the manosphere, as they have “perpetrated a range of deadly attacks against men and women”.
Discussions in incel communities on Reddit, Facebook, and 4chan often endorse violence and harassment toward women and sexually successful men, as well as self-inflicted harm and suicide.
Wikipedia lists 12 incel-related fatal shootings and attacks from across the globe, with the Isla Vista killings being responsible for bringing the incel community into the mainstream in 2014. The perpetrator, Elliot Rodger, and his actions are glorified by the incel community along with others who’ve taken equally extreme and wicked measures.
Men going their own way (MGTOW)
At the surface level, members of the MGTOW community advocate avoiding serious relationships, marriage, and even casual dating, to protect their independence and focus on their goals and interests.
It doesn’t sound like such a bad thing, right?
When you spend a little time exploring the MGTOW community, you’ll soon see the familiar themes of anti-feminism and misogyny that are rife within the manosphere.
In 2017, r/MGTOW became the largest and most active manosphere forum on Reddit, before being banned in 2021 for breaking the site’s policies against the promotion of violence and hate, with online harassment of women being consistently encouraged.
Men’s rights movement (MRM)
Members of the MRM advocate for the rights and fair treatment of men, particularly in areas where they believe men are given the short end of the stick. These areas include child custody and alimony, divorce settlements, domestic abuse, punishment for crimes, and mental health care.
Although part of the community seeks to address some legitimate issues, other members use MRM as a platform to express anti-feminist and misogynistic views.
Pickup artists (PUAs)
Men in the pickup, or seduction, community, share the goal of getting women into bed with the help of tried-and-tested strategies. The community was born from how-to guides going back to the 60s, but has prospered in the internet age with countless blogs, subreddits, forums, and newsletters dedicated to “game” or “seduction science”.
The PUA industry is big business too with self-identified “gurus” charging thousands of dollars for seminars, courses, and boot camps.
Because PUAs place so much value in attaining sexual success with women, they’re often disliked and derided by incels and MGTOW. But, like their manosphere neighbors, the PUA community has been accused of sexism, sexual objectification, and misogyny.
What’s the red pill?
MGTOW, incels, and other members of the manosphere often label themselves as “red pillers”. The concept of red pill and its opposite, blue pill, is taken from the 2000 movie The Matrix. Someone who chooses the red pill has accepted reality as it is, no matter how harsh or unfair it seems to them. On the other hand, a blue piller chooses to remain ignorant and blissfully unaware of the difficult and “true” nature of existence.
Although it varies depending on the community, red pill in the manosphere usually involves the acceptance of the idea that feminism has made society biased against men. Red pillers congregate in places like the subreddit r/TheRedPill to talk about rejecting modern gender roles and sharing their toxic views on women.
When incels raid the medicine cabinet, they often choose the black pill – an acceptance that there’s nothing a low-status or unattractive man can do to improve their chances of getting a girlfriend or sexual partner.
What can parents of boys do?
Although the manosphere’s toxic teachings aren’t limited to the internet, it’s in online communities where the most problematic ideology is shared and celebrated.
The manosphere is a classic internet “iceberg” where you can start with relatively harmless trends, such as sigma and looksmaxxing content, and soon find yourself in the depths of toxicity where the most controversial and dangerous views are shared. And thanks to the way social media algorithms are developed, this can happen easily and very quickly.
If you’re a concerned parent of a boy, here are a few ways you can protect them from the more harmful aspects of the manosphere.
1. Have open conversations
As boys transform into men, it’s natural for them to be curious about manhood and their place in the world. Parents should foster an environment where sons can feel comfortable talking about their thoughts and feelings, as well as what they encounter online.
It’s a good idea to bring up the topics of gender roles, relationships, and masculinity too. It might feel awkward to talk about such things with your child, but remember, toxic internet communities are only too ready to fill the role.
2. Encourage them to question everything
One of the biggest issues facing internet users today -children and adults – is how to separate fact from false narratives which distort reality and sometimes promote harmful ideas.
Much of the content in the manosphere is biased and exists to push the creator’s ideology, so encourage your son to question the sources of content and the intentions behind it.
3. Promote positive role models
Role models are important in a boy’s development, but unfortunately, the manosphere is not the place to find healthy, postive examples. Influencers and spokesmen in the space often rely on shock and radical opinions to spread their ideology while clocking up the views and likes.
Help your son find male role models who demonstrate healthy masculinity and have respect for women, while encouraging them to learn from a variety of perspectives, regardless of gender.
4. Monitor their online activity
Websites, social media, forums, and subreddits, have allowed dangerous ideology to spread in a way that was impossible in pre-internet days. And so, a little parent intervention is sometimes required.
A parental control tool like Qustodio allows you to keep an eye on the content your son is viewing and searching for, and block or limit access to apps and websites if need be.
The struggles of being a boy in the image-obsessed age of social media are often overlooked. We’re all aware of the pressures put on girls to look and act a certain way, but boys have their own challenges to face.
The manosphere can be a refuge for young males who feel like they don’t live up to the superhero-like men they see on social media; or for those who feel like they don’t fit in with modern society or have real-life role models.
Parents need to be aware of the toxic ideologies that lurk in the forums, sites, and profiles that make up the manosphere and be proactive in guiding their sons through the complexities of such content.
